The power "owned" is mine
to do as i see fit
But if i take collar that binds
i must then remind
i am no longer the keeper
of it.
---Sarrah Darkfold
A silly little poem perhaps but something of a "hot button" topic at the castle of late. In my first post i touched on the fact that as a submissive i have given myself completely to my Master. For those just learning this means entirely. And it is just that point that some of the newer submissive members are having an issue with.
How much do you give the Dominant? Everything. They are the ones that hold all power once that collar has been accepted by the submissive. The Dominant is the one who makes the decisions, the Dominant is the one who gives the orders, and the Dominant is the one that defines all the rules of the House. This includes all the rules that govern the life of the submissive. That is what the term "to submit" means. To surrender power to the will of another.
Obviously it behooves the submissive to take her or his sweet time in choosing exactly who should be given this very costly gift. Make sure this person is one you would consider a friend and soul you trust with your life because that is what you are giving. And then make darn tootin sure you have a full power exchange set out before you allow that collar to be placed.
For those who have not read up on a power exchange in the front page of the Solace website: A full power exchange is, in effect, a contractual agreement between the Dominant and submissive as to what each expects of the relationship, needs from the relationship, and the hard limits that each has within said relationship. This is where you lay all cards on the table as to what you will agree to or not. And if at this point you don't agree with something the Dominant wants from you...go home before you even get started. Once you have given your vows to the Dominant and accepted their terms in the form of wearing the collar you belong to them.
I say this because it would seem some new submissives have the impression they can change a Dominants mind once they are collared or control the Dominant through manipulation such as refusing pleasure. This, in the lifestyle, is called topping from the bottom. And no Dominant likes a topper. Whether it is in the real or virtual world makes no difference either. If you agree to the Dominants demand that you wear what They please you are bound to that agreement. If you agree to adhere to a daily exercise routine then you are bound to it. Any attempt after the fact to try and change this agreement is a break of trust with that Dominant and grounds for them to uncollar and send you packin.
But it goes further than this too. Once collared, a submissive must give control of all decisions to that Dominant. Even if the submissive is not happy with a decision and has expressed (with respect please) to the Dominant why they are not comfortable with that decision...that decision is still up to the Dominant. In the end..whether the submissive likes the idea or not they are bound to obey. So now we see the wisdom in making very sure the Dominant you submit to is one that is compatible with you too. One who has similar opinions and ideas, who has similar tastes and needs, and one you have come to know well enough to respect even if the rare moment comes that you don't agree.
Keep in mind this is not a vanilla marriage where everything is even-stevens. Whats good for the goose is up to the goose and the gander accepts what is given. Simply put: the submissive does not own the Dominant. The Dominant owns the submissive.
All of this at first glance may make it seem almost pointless to be a submissive. Why hand the power of my life over to some one and not be able to have a say in what THEY do? Well first...if you truly are submissive then this is something you already want and need in a relationship. Second...the life of a Dominant is no bowl of cherries. Consider this:
The life of a submissive is in His or Her hand. Submissives are not dogs you feed twice a day and take for an afternoon run or fish you toss food at once a day and forget. Submissives are humans who have lives. They have family, work, baggage, history, fears, needs (both emotional and physical), desires, and above all ...issues. When a Dominant accepts the gift offered...the gift of a submissives life..they are taking ALL of this as their responsibility. They are accepting that any decision they make and order they give that person comes back to them. If They make a poor judgement, the failure that comes from that judgment is Their failure. If a submissive is emotionally (or worse, physically) harmed by following the Dominants order it is on the head of the Dominant. And finally all the submissives baggage is now the Dominants responsibility too. It is the Dominant who must find ways to teach the submissive, protect the submissive, help them grow, explore, improve, and be healthy in all ways.
Suddenly being a Dominant isn't so easy. It is a massive responsibility. A submissive may find it hard to obey certain orders...even painful..but that same order may be just as hard for the Dominant to give. Keep in mind a submissive is also the Dominants treasure and joy. Giving a hard order in an attempt to improve that submissives life can be more gut wrenching to have to hand down then to follow if only because when you love someone it is sometimes hard to do what is best for them. And THAT is the power of true positive Domination. The ability to lift up a submissive and make them better than they were or thought possible through loving guidance.
It is that loving guidance, my sisters and brothers, that we as submissives need and seek. One who loves us enough to be strong for us and WITH us if necessary. One strong enough to take responsibility from us so that we don't need to feel the burden of life's "issues" or at the very least not feel them nearly so much. It is not our place to tell the Dominant what decisions to make, what to do, or how to do it. Because we didn't want it to be our place. When we take that collar and offer ourselves as the ultimate gift we hand complete power of ownership to the Dominant so that they CAN Dominate us.
My final stance on this: If you are not able to accept becoming owned completely by another, then do not take a collar. You are not ready to be submissive.
